I recognise everything you are telling me: the tears, the anxieties, the feeling of being singled out for punishment, the shame. The right medication would give you relief from the worst symptoms of depression.That very state of mind is preventing you from reaching out for help. It would create a respite for you to make some changes in your life that would set you on the road to recovery and renewed membership of the human race. Don’t be discouraged if she doesn’t respond right away. Whichever it is, I am thankful you are taking time to be here.
Being self-sufficient leads to isolation, and isolation doesn't work as we grow older.
It can be self-perpetuating and lead to the fearful depressive state in which you find yourself. Companies like Solitair (01612 340080), Saga (0800 414444) or Just You (08) specialise in well-organised, single travel for all ages and offer a terrific range of destinations, from weekends in Spain to spa holidays in India.
Because of your social isolation, there is nobody around you to say, "This isn't normal, you need help". You are a coper, and I suspect that this is the face you present to the world. You have made a habit of managing major problems without help, and you have learned a lot, which is great and will stand you in good stead.
What is not great is that this appearance of supreme self-sufficiency may have lost you friends.
Instead of giving up on her, exchanging her, or simply ignoring her, you can bring her back by turning your heart towards her. Once you capture your wife’s heart again, and she believes you want and love her, you will be amazed at the joy you will feel with that intimate connection. Happy women glow, and their God given, beautiful features become even more beautiful. I want to use this space to share with you the good, the bad, and the ugly that is my life.